Frustration

I've made a couple of things recently, a chestnut cookie/biscotti that was quite good, and more cinnamon rolls for the boyfriend. I will post those recipes once I actually measure the ingredients (I know, it's terrible for readers but great for me that I don't measure - I know what consistency to look for so I just add until I'm there...hopefully anyone who reads this will try it too)

I've been ridiculously frustrated by the usual thorn in my side: my boyfriend. Or maybe he will not be my boyfriend in the very near future. What he does is besides the point, the point is that I've stayed with him for much longer than I should have, and I stupidly told him to give up his apartment and move in with me to my new one. From then on, (November) it's been more or less one, big, AWFUL headache.

I'm frustrated by how he leaves the apartment messy and dirty. He tracks mud and dirt in the house (even though he takes off his shoes) and doesn't clean it up. I'm frustrated at the fact that I do the majority of the grocery shopping and he always says he'll help, but in reality he never does. I feel like he's using me: he's using my kindness, my cleanliness, my cooking, my place, my cat, etc. to help him deal with his life. I am his life. I'm frustrated that it's gotten to that point. I'm frustrated that he has no motivation to better himself by looking for a new job, or even just cruising the internet and seeing how things work, what's out there, reading the news, etc. He's content with just bumming off of me for the rest of his life. He's content with sleeping until 14h and then slowly stumbling to work (as a waiter) He's content to let me do all the difficult things (pay the mortgage, pay the bills, do the shopping, have a real job) while he just coasts. He's sucking all of my energy from me and I hate it. I'm getting more and more depressed and sad, and I just want him out.

The worst part is, I've told him that I want him out, and HE WON'T GO. This is primarily because he doesn't have a place to go. Also, he probably doesn't take me seriously because I've told him to leave (and never acted on it) many times before. There are ways that he could look for a place to go. I actually cruised some classifieds yesterday and totally found flats, people looking for roommates, etc. for his price range.

My dilemma is. Do I accept a flat for him and then move him out of my house? Or should I just take all of his stuff and move it to his brother's house (who lives further away?) I just want him out. I want him out so bad I want to cry every time I come home and he's still there. What amazes me the most is, how can he live with himself and still be there when he KNOWS that I don't want him there? Oh my God, if I knew that someone didn't want me living with them, I would get the hell out of there A.S.A.P. That is so embarrassing.

Carbaliciousness

Cinnamon Rolls
1/2 cup (125 ml) buttermilk
2 tbs butter
1/4 c (65 ml) sugar
1 package (about 2 tbs) yeast
About 1 1 /2 c (375 g) White flour

put the butter and buttermilk in a bowl together with the sugar and microwave about 20 seconds until butter has melted and mixture is warm (but not too hot)
Stir a bit to make sure the butter is completely melted
Empty the contents of the yeast package into the mixture
Wait about 10 minutes (wash some dishes or play with the cat)
the mixture should have little bubbles in it
Add the flour and stir gently
Make sure the mixture is combined and not too sticky. If it needs more flour, add some. If it's too dry, add a bit more buttermilk.
Knead it a little until it is soft and pillowy

Let rise for at least an hour

When ready, roll it out into a rectangle that is about 1-2 cm thick (1/4 inch)
Sprinkle the entire area generously with brown sugar (about 3-4 tbs)
Sprinkle the entire area generously with cinnamon (about 2 tbs)
Spritz or drizzle melted butter all over
Roll up the dough, and cut into rounds about 4-5 cm (2 inches) thick You should have about 8
Place the rolls, cut side up, in a baking pan
Let rise overnight in the fridge, or an hour by themselves
Bake in a 150 c (325 F) oven for about 15-20 minutes

Mix half a package of cream cheese (smetanovy syr, I use the tesco brand, but Lucina works too) with about 1/4 cup powdered (or regular) sugar and 1 tbs vanilla

Drizzle over the cinnamon rolls when they're ready.

I'm going to health-a-matise my chestnut cookies a bit, and I'll try to get them up over the weekend.